


All I Need Is You

by himster85



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-05-24 15:58:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14957669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himster85/pseuds/himster85
Summary: Lexi moves to the town of her favorite band but never expected the relationships that would unfold when she begins to work for them





	1. Cinnamon and Vanilla

Taylor Hanson had always been my number one celebrity crush/idol. His sparkling blue eyes and beautiful blonde hair had featured in my dreams on countless occasions. The band he was in with his two brothers was the main reason I moved to Tulsa when my life fell apart. I had gotten married at too young of an age and it dissolved by the time I was 24, leaving me with nowhere to live, no savings, and no job prospects that would allow me to make it on my own.

After the divorce, I moved back in with my parents and finished a degree in graphic and web design that I had abandoned years prior. Three years later I had my degree but still no job. There weren’t many jobs for my degree available in my small home town, I tried to market myself and do it on my own for a year but never got my foot in anywhere that provided steady enough work to make it worth anything. So I decided to look beyond Virginia and the only place I wanted to go was Tulsa, Oklahoma. Within a few months, I had accepted a job at the University there, in the birthplace of my favorite band. It was a big city and I wasn’t expecting to ever have the luck to one into one of the brothers but was thrilled that turned out to not be the case.

The apartment that I ended up renting and sharing with another University employee turned out to be a few blocks away from the band’s recording studio. My roommate, Camilla, and I hit it off right away. She shared my quirky sense of humor and love of bad movies. She became my first real friend in the city and we would spend most weekends hanging out around town together. We would occasionally see the brothers around town at bars, the park, even the grocery store. I never had the courage to go up to any of them and say hi, feeling like I was invading the privacy they worked so hard for. “What am I supposed to say? Hi, I’m Lexi and I’ve been in love with you for 20 years?” I would say to Camilla whenever she tried to push me over to one of the boys.

After living in Tulsa for six months, I felt like I started to see Taylor everywhere I went. He was at my gym a few times a week and even started coming to the bar Camilla and I always did karaoke at on Thursday nights. One Thursday night, I was a little more than slightly drunk and had the courage to finally speak to him. I didn’t tell him I was a fan and he didn’t mention the band. When I told him what I did for a living, he did say that his “company” was looking for a freelance designer and gave me an email address to send my portfolio to if I was ever interested in some side work. With the salary I was getting from the University I could just barely pay my bills, so I was taking whatever freelance jobs I could get.

Once I started talking to Taylor, I was surprised by just how easy it was to converse with him. He had such kind eyes that seemed keen on listening to and understanding whatever I was saying. I talked to him about the divorce and moving halfway across the country as a result. Unlike most people, he never tried to turn the conversation back to himself but asked questions about the divorce and how it ended, if it was agreeable (it wasn’t, it was hell for a full year of dealing with it) and asked how I liked living in Tulsa, how I ended up choosing there (okay, so I had to fib a little there and say that the University had made me the best offer, which was true in a way, it’s just that it was the only offer I got because I hadn’t searched anywhere else.)

After talking about myself for a much longer time than I was used to, I asked him about himself. He told me he ran a studio in town and a brewery with his brothers. I wondered to myself why he wouldn’t talk about the band but figured he just didn’t want to get into the “oh my gosh, I used to love that song/I can’t believe you guys are still touring” or whatever other non-sense people usually respond with. The time flew by sitting there chatting with Taylor and I was not ready to stop even though it was getting late and I had work the next day. The third time I looked at the time Taylor asked if I needed to go.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to,” I said with a laugh, “this has been the best night I’ve had since I moved here.” Taylor followed me outside and offered to walk me home, since my roommate had left earlier in the night. I gladly accepted, not that I was worried about being alone on the streets at night, but just for a few more minutes to speak to him.

He invited me to a beer tasting the brewery was doing that weekend as we were walking down the road. I played it coyly and said I would have to check my schedule but thought I’d be able to make it. I knew full well that nothing was going to keep me from making it. When we got to my building, I lingered by the door, not wanting to say good night.

“It was really nice to meet you, Lexi,” Taylor said, pushing his hair back from his face and giving me a smile that made my heart skip a beat.

“Yeah, you too, Taylor,” I replied, smiling shyly. I stepped into him and hesitantly raised my arms. He enveloped me in a hug, crushing me against his body. My breath caught in my throat, he smelled like cinnamon and vanilla and I wanted to breathe it in for the rest of my life.

When I stepped back, I knew I had a goofy smile on my face, but I couldn’t care enough to try to hide it. I said goodnight and waved as I walked into the building, waiting for the door to fully close behind me before I let out a loud whoop of excitement and took off running up the stairs.

Camilla was already asleep when I got up to the apartment. I wanted to wake her up and tell her about the amazing night but figured she may actually kill me, so I decided it had to wait until the morning. I took a quick shower, crawled under the covers, and fell asleep with a grin on my face from ear to ear.

I woke up the next morning, cursing my alarm as per usual, and moaned when I felt the slight headache of a hangover. I shuffled into the bathroom and swallowed some Tylenol, hoping I could get enough water and food into my stomach before it joined in on the hangover band wagon. As if she was reading my mind, Camilla greeted me in the kitchen with a plate full of bacon, eggs, and toast. “Jesus, Lexi, you look like hell. You got in late last night,” she commented, “Do I need to make a plate for Taylor? Are any popstars going to come bopping out of the bedroom next?”

I playfully slapped her hand and chastised her, “He’s married, Cam! No, there’s no men in my bedroom. All though, I honestly probably wouldn’t be able to turn him down if he asked.” I pushed the possible moral dilemma from my mind as I began to eat.

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of bed,” Camilla responded, sitting down beside me and asking me for every detail of the rest of the night.

“So, are you going to go? To the beer thing?” she asked when I was done.

“Of course, I am. Are you high? Taylor freaking Hanson invited me somewhere, I would miss my grandmother’s funeral for the chance to see him again.”  
After work that day, I decided to skip the gym. I soaked in a hot bubble bath instead, reminding myself the umpteenth time that day that I could no longer drink like I was 21 anymore. I had made it through the work day, but barely. I had spent most of the day staring at pages and pages of code trying to figure out a bug on the university’s website. It had taken me a good four hours to track it down and another hour to fix it, which I was furious about. On a normal day it would have all been resolved in an hour. Between the small hangover and day dreaming about Taylor all day, my mind just was not willing to concentrate on work.

After my bath, I gathered up my laundry and headed to the laundromat, where all the cool kids spend their Friday nights. The business card Taylor had given me the previous night fell out of the jeans I had been wearing at the bar. “What the hell” I thought to myself, “May as well send my portfolio. What’s the worst that could happen?” After starting my washing machines, I pulled out my laptop and sent my digital portfolio to the email Taylor had given me. I messed around online waiting for my washers to finish. After moving the clothing over to a few driers, I checked my email for the tenth time with no new messages. I told myself to stop being so silly, of course he wasn’t going to write back with a job offer right away. For all I knew these emails got routed to some agency that the brothers used for their hiring.


	2. A Perfect Canvas

I woke up early the next day, nervous and excited for the beer tasting. Camilla got tired of seeing me pace around the apartment, counting down time until I could start getting ready. “Why don’t you go for a run or something? Work off that energy,” she suggested. She was right, that was a great idea. I strapped into my jogging shoes and headed out the door, groaning when I saw the rain falling. ‘that’s all right,’ I said to myself, ‘you can run at the gym.’

I usually ran to the gym for my cardio, worked on the weight machines and then jogged/walked home for cool down. I preferred running outside because it felt like a better workout than running in place on a treadmill, plus outside had much better views. When I got to the gym, I immediately recognized Taylor’s blonde head bobbing along on one of the treadmills. I faltered a moment, wondering if I should grab the empty machine beside him. He made the decision for me when he looked up and saw me. He smiled and waved me over to him, gesturing to the empty machine on his right.

“Hello, Taylor,” I said as I started up the machine. I felt suddenly aware of the fact that I was just wearing a sports bra and running shorts. Was he checking me out? Would I be more upset if he didn’t check me out?

Just as I was finishing my warm up mile and gearing up to really start running, I heard Taylor powering off his machine. “I’ll see you later, right?” he asked, the only thing he had said since I got there.

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Looking forward to it,” I replied with a nod of my head.

“Great, come a little early, okay? I want to talk to you about your portfolio.” When I nodded he turned around and walked off to another part of the gym. I was grateful he didn’t stick around to talk, trying to talk and run at the same time had never been my strong suit. I am far too clumsy to focus on breathing, running, and chatting all at once.

I spent enough time at the gym that when I got back to the apartment it was time to get ready. I decided not to wear jeans because I wanted to look a little extra nice. I settled on a denim skirt with brown cowgirl boots and a beige sweater. I twirled around in front of my mirror a few times and stopped dead when I heard Camilla laughing behind me. “You act like you’re going on your first date or something. I know you like his music, but damn girl, calm yourself.” She came over and started fussing with my hair. I had been planning on just wearing it down and straight.

Camilla pulled me into the bathroom and put curlers in my hair to set while she applied my makeup. She worked on my makeup for thirty minutes and it looked flawlessly natural. She managed to make my lips look full and pouty and my eyes big and demure, although it didn’t even look like I was wearing an ounce of makeup. “Cam, you missed your calling. You should be doing this for a living,” I said, in absolute awe when I saw my reflection in the mirror.

“Pssh, girl, one day you’re going to realize just how beautiful you are. Makeup is easy when you’re starting on a perfect canvas.” I blushed and prodded at my face a bit more before settling back down to let her do my hair. I ended with soft, wavy curls cascading down my shoulders and two small parts on either side of my face pulled back and braided down the middle. “Knock him dead,” Camilla called after me as I left the apartment.

I got to the brewery at 1:30, thirty minutes before the tasting was to begin. The parking lot was empty but for two other vehicles. I stepped out of my car as Taylor emerged from his SUV a few spaces down. “Wow, you are embracing the Oklahoma style, huh?” he asked, walking over to me.

“Is it too much?” I asked, hands going to my hair, cursing myself for letting Cam talk me into getting all dolled up.

“No, not at all. You look great,” Taylor said, giving me a quick hug, “Did you find the place okay?”

“I may have gotten a little turned around, but thanks to the powers of GPS, I got here.” I chuckled nervously and followed Taylor up the sidewalk and into the building. He was telling me the story of how his brothers got into the beer making business and how much they all enjoyed it as we walked through the front doors and down a hallway to a large room that looked part kitchen part meeting room.  
Taylor started pulling growlers and cans of beer out of the fridge and setting them out on the table on the other side of the room. “So, your portfolio is really impressive. You should be working for some big agency in LA or New York. Why are you working in Tulsa?” He paused what he was doing to give me full eye contact.

It felt like the question held more weight than it seemed on the surface. I decided to go with the truth and hope he wasn’t freaked out. “Well… actually… I came to Tulsa because it’s where you guys are. I visited here when I was a teenager and wanted to come to college out here. That was purely just because it’s where my favorite band grew up. But then I fell in love with the city so, it’s the first place I wanted to escape to when I was starting a new life.”

“You hid it really well at the bar the other night. Why didn’t you mention to me that you knew who I was?”

“I didn’t want to be seen as ‘just another fan’ I guess. You didn’t bring up the band, so I figured you didn’t want me to know who you were either. So, what gave me away?” I laughed like I was trying to make a joke, but my heart was in my throat. What if he got mad? Would he consider it the same as lying to him? If he asked me to leave, I would be too humiliated to stay in Tulsa.

“You have an automatic signature line on your emails ‘This music is a place to hide’ I kind of recognized my own song lyrics,” he replied and laughed when I slapped a hand to my forehead. “But, it’s okay. we still want to offer you the job because you are very talented, and we would be glad to have you.”

“Awesome, what kind of work?” I asked, taking a seat across the table from where he had settled down.

“Right now, we’re looking for someone to design a new label and logo for the beer. We also have a tour coming up that will need T-shirt designs and logo and all that worked up.” He replied as his brothers, Zac and Isaac walked in. “Hey guys, this is Lexi, the designer, I was telling you guys about. I showed them your portfolio too.” 

“Great work,” Zac said, waving hi, I nodded in Isaac’s direction. “I’m glad you’re here, I wanted to ask you about some of the pieces. Towards the end there’s some paintings, did you actually paint those? Or were they done on a computer?”

“Those are actually paintings. I used to paint all the time in Virginia, before I moved here. Now I don’t have space for it. The apartment is cramped enough with just me and my roommate, there’s no room for an easel and all of that.”

“Well, it is a shame to let that talent go unused. Feel free to duck into my studio on 78th street anytime and have at it. I mean, assuming you’re taking the job, you’ll be out there occasionally anyway.”

“Oh yeah, for sure I am taking whatever work you guys want to throw my way.”

Over the next fifteen minutes I was introduced to a lot of the employees of both the beer company and the music side of the Hanson’s business as well as a bunch of friends and family members. All the names and faces swirled together, and I knew I would never remember any of them. I wondered again why Taylor had invited me, it wasn’t a public event and seemed to be comprised only of people the guys knew pretty well. I shrugged off the thought and listened as Isaac began talking about the new flavors and hops blend that had gone into this batch.

“So, what do you think?” Taylor asked as I was sipping my way through the last tasting. It was a coffee porter, which is not my favorite.

“Pretty good. I’m not a fan of porters or coffee flavor in my beer, but this one isn’t too heavy and is more oaky than coffee. I couldn’t drink a whole one, but it’s not bad. The strawberry one was my favorite though. So light and crisp, that’s a perfect summer ale.”

“Ooooo, you sound like you actually know a thing or two about beer. Not to be sexist, but most woman don’t drink a lot of beer. We were actually thinking of branching into some wines too, because of that.”

“I’m no expert but I do prefer smaller batch craft brews over the big named guys. They almost always taste better. I think you can taste the passion in them,” I was silent for a second, “I guess I prefer my music that way, too.” I added as an afterthought. 

“I like that,” Taylor agreed before being pulled away into a conversation with his youngest brother, Mackenzie.

I stayed for another twenty minutes or so, exchanging small talk with a few people. I do not do well with small talk, I much prefer to communicate with people through my computer. I slipped away without seeing Taylor to see goodbye to him. There were too many blonde heads in the room to easily pick him out of the crowd.

I saw him coming out of a door as I walked down the hallway towards the front doors. “Hey,” he said when he saw me, a smile popping up on his face, “Are you leaving already?”

“Yeah, I’m heading out,” I said, stopping beside him.

“I see, you got all the free beer now you’re hitting the road?”

“Aw, you caught me,” I said sarcastically, “the beer was the ONLY reason I came here.” I rolled my eyes and chuckled.

“I thought so,” he said with a chuckle of his own, “Well, thanks for coming out. I’m glad you could make it. We’ll be in touch soon with the job info, let me just get your number.” He pulled out his phone and, after fiddling with the screen for a moment, handed it to me to enter my number in his contacts. 

I had as close as I’ve ever come to an out of body experience as I was entering my personal phone number into Taylor Hanson’s cell phone. My head felt a little dizzy as I walked away, and I couldn’t tell if it was the beer or euphoria over the exchange. I sat in the parking lot, in my car, AC blasting in my face, calming myself down for a few minutes before I was able to drive away.


	3. Chapter Three: Up Close and Personal

Taylor called within two days, asking when I would have time to go up to their headquarters on 78th street to talk job details. He had emailed me an over view of a few things they were needing but wanted to go over it in further detail, in person. Driving up to the gates surrounding their former childhood home a few days later, I felt like all my teenage dreams were coming true.

I parked in the driveway and followed the sound of music around the side of the house and to the garage. Zac saw me through the window in the door and let me in as Taylor continued to tinker away on the piano. "Hello there, Lexi. Take a set." He nodded to a couch against the wall.

I silently stepped in and sat down on the couch as Zac slipped back behind the drum kit. “Hey, Lexi,” Taylor said over the sounds of the piano, “You caught us in a creative moment. Zac and I are working on a new song. Do you mind if him and I finish before we talk shop? You can certainly stay and watch if you’d like.”

“Sit here and watch a new song being formed from my favorite band? Ummm…. Yes please,” I said with a huge smile. I slung my laptop bag off of my shoulder and settled in to watch them continue to work. I tried to keep the grin off of my face but was not always successful. The song was catchy as hell and had my head bopping in no time. The chorus had a great hook and I knew it would be stuck in my head for days afterwards. In true Hanson fashion, the upbeat song had much darker lyrics, about loneliness and regret.

“You like it?” Taylor asked quite a while later, sinking into the couch next to me.

“I may be a little biased and don’t believe you guys can write a bad song,” I replied with a chuckle before continuing, “But, yes, I do like it. It’s got a wicked beat and the lyrics are so melancholic, I love how they are juxtaposed with each other. It’s a winner in my book. What's it called?”

“Thanks, it's called _Turn Around_. The lyrics were mostly my doing. I thought they would fit well with the music Zac was working on. Sounds like I was right, it feels like a winner. Definitely a contender for the next fan club EP if not for the next album itself.”

I couldn’t control the dance of excitement that went through me at the mention of an album. It had been over five years since they released their previous album, and everyone was waiting for new music. “Don’t tease me with the possibility of a new album, Taylor. You can tease me with just about anything but never with a new album.”

Taylor wiggled his eyebrows at me and said, in a low tone, “Do you like to be teased?”

While my face flushed every possible shade of red, Zac exclaimed, “Taylor!”

Taylor hastily stood up, “Sorry. Zac’s right, business talk. You wanna follow me inside to one of the offices and we’ll get started?”

I hadn’t regained my ability to speak so I just nodded, stood up, and followed Taylor into the house. I could hear Zac muttering to himself behind me but didn’t try to pick out the words he was saying. My mind was reeling, telling myself to stop being so ridiculous. There is no way in hell that Taylor had meant to be flirting with me. He just forgot himself for a moment.

“So, where’s Isaac? I was surprised not to see him here with you guys,” I asked, catching up with Taylor just as he stepped in through the sliding glass door on the backside of the house. We stepped into a huge office space with shelves lining all the walls. The shelves were full of Hanson merchandise, T-shirts, hoodies, stickers, CDs, DVDs. I assumed this must be where their staff fulfilled orders from the website.

“He couldn’t make it. His wife, Nikki, is sick, food poisoning or something. So, he stayed home to take care of their kids,” he replied. He led me up a set of stairs and into what he said used to be their bedroom, but now they used it as a meeting space. There was a table in the middle of the room, a TV mounted on the wall, and the walls were decorated with posters of past tours they had done.

The official meeting part of the meeting lasted about an hour but, after Zac left, Taylor and I sat around for another hour just chatting before we realized how late it was getting and Taylor said he had better get home. We continued to talk as we walked down to the front door. “For the strawberry ale, I’m thinking something very retro, a real 70’s vibe. For the kolsh I want to do something really weird with bold colors. I am so excited to get started.” I gushed, flapping my hands to show my excitement.

“I can’t wait to see what you come up with,” Taylor said, holding the door open for me. I stepped out into the setting sun, wishing I had remembered to grab a jacket. It had been a sunny and warm day when I got there but the temperature was quickly dropping now that the sun was going down, reminding me that we weren't yet officially out of winter. I wanted to stand there and monopolize as much of Taylor’s time as I could. “Oh shit, I forgot to show you the art studio. Zac really wants you to come and work there whenever you want, he’s mentioned it more than once. I think he really wants to see your art work up close and personal.”

Taylor stepped into my personal space with those last words. At this point I started to feel like he was just messing around with me. A few times during the meeting and when we were talking afterwards, we would both reach for a photo or point at something on his laptop screen at the same time and our hands would graze each other. Every time I would get slightly flustered, turn red and stammer through my next few words. I told myself he just liked the ego boost I gave him from being so obviously attracted to him. There was no way it was every going to amount to anything. For all I knew, he was happily married and definitely had a slew of kids and I would not come between him and his wife for anything.

I looked down, blushing for the umpteenth time and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. When I looked back up, he was staring at my intently as though waiting for me to do or say something. I froze and couldn’t think of a witty or sultry response. I shivered as a cool breeze wafted by. “You’ll have to show me next time, I guess.” I meekly replied, mentally slapping my forehead for how shaken I sounded in my own ears.

“Are you cold?” Taylor asked, reaching his hands out and rubbing up and down my bare arms, trying to warm me up.

His touch brought about another shiver that had nothing to do with being cold. My fingers yearned to reach out and stroke his face, my lips were aching to close the distance and kiss him. I forced myself to take a step back from him, a palpable feeling in the air between us. “I should probably get going,” I said, softly, holding his gaze with my eyes, having so much more that I wanted to say.

He nodded, as if agreeing with all the things I didn’t say. “Yeah, I should, too,” he said, finally dropping his hands from my arms.

I walked to my car on wobbly legs and couldn’t even remember the drive home when I pulled into the apartment building parking lot. I climbed out of the car, checking my phone by habit. I was surprised to find a message from Taylor, “It was great hanging out with you today! :D” I responded, “Me, too! Loved getting to see you and Zac work on that new song, also. It’s gonna be a big hit with all your other fans.” I frowned at my phone, wondering if I should still be referring to myself as just another fan.

I closed out of my messages in a panic when I saw the bouncing dots indicating he was already writing a response, thinking I was going to need to talk all of this over with Camilla. I needed an outsider’s prospective on whether or not I should be thinking that Taylor was romantically interested in me or if I was reading into things too much. I walked up to the apartment, told Cammie that I needed girl time and grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses. I settled onto the couch with her, pouring us each a big glass and launching into a detailed description of my day.

“Giiiiirrrrrlllllll,” she said when I was done. We were both on our second glasses by then. “I know you have it bad for him but, it seems to me like he may be feeling the same way. I think his brother must know too, and that’s why he was so surly about those comments.”

I gave a frustrated groan. “Nooooo, Cammie! You’re supposed to say I’m being a stupid fangirl about this and that I’m blowing it out of proportion. He’s just being nice and trying to make me feel comfortable and welcome.”

I finally pulled my phone back out of my pocket to see what he had been writing back to me earlier. “Jesus Christ, Cammie, what am I supposed to do? He wrote back, ‘Don’t think of yourself as just a fan. You’re part of the family now, Lexi! :)~ And I for one am grateful for it.’ What the hell does that mean???!!!”

I flopped, dramatically, back on the couch and drained the rest of my second wine glass. I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, so I was quickly feeling the effects of the alcohol. I typed back a response to him, “I was a fan first, so it may take some getting used to. Don’t roll out the red carpet just yet. I may have won you over with my stunning personality, but I’m not so sure about your brothers yet.” I hit send and threw my phone across the couch at Cammie, asking her to keep it away from me as I got a second bottle of wine. I didn’t want to drunk text anything I may regret.


	4. Chapter Four: Find the Right Words

I woke up the next day, face down on the couch, surrounded by three empty bottles of wine. “Oh God,” I said out loud to no one, “What were we thinking?” I was glad it was a Sunday and I didn’t have to work that day. I pulled myself into the shower and washed myself with one hand, holding my splitting head together with the other hand. I curled myself back up on the couch after putting on comfy pajamas, which I intended to spend the whole day in.

Cammie came out of her room, groaning to match my despair. “Why? Why did we drink so much? Stupid boy. I’ve never even met him, and I don’t like him for the hangover he caused me.”

“Who? What stupid boy?” I asked, momentarily forgetting all the events of the previous day. “Taylor? Do you mean Taylor?”

“Yes, Taylor whatever-the-fuck-his-middle-name-is Hanson.” She pulled vitamin waters out of the fridge for her and myself.

“His middle name is Taylor. His first name is Jordan. He just goes by his middle name.” I replied, taking the bottle from her and gulping it greedily.

“All right, calm down, fan girl. You like, literally, can’t help yourself. Can you?” she asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s me. Big old Hanson fan,” I said, trailing off as I vaguely remembered getting a text from Taylor the night before. “Hey, do you know where my phone ended up last night?”

“I dunno. I’ll call it for you,” she said, pulling out her own phone.

It started to ring under a coach cushion. I wrestled it out and pulled up my messages. “Oh no, no, no, no. Cammie!!! You were supposed to keep me from being stupid. Oh no, oh God, oh fuck, this is going to be bad.”

“I’m not your guardian! Girl, you probably swiped your phone from me when I went to the bathroom or something.”

I saw that I had multiple text messages going back and forth to Taylor and braced myself as I started to scroll through them.

> T: Zac will come around. He’s just reserved when it comes to work and what gets out to the fan base.
> 
> L: I get that. I’m sure they probably think you’re crazy for wanting to hire a fan.
> 
> T: You’re cool though. I can forget you’re a fan. Enthusiastic? Yes. Fanatical? Not so much. I love your passion for the band, nothing wrong there.
> 
> L: Mwahahaha, my plan has worked. I am a better actress then I give myself credit for.
> 
> L: You know that I’ll be completely professional, right? Nothing is going to leak out about what you guys are working on. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize this, it is literally my dream job.
> 
> T: Absolutely. 
> 
> L: Good. Just wanted to officially put it out there.
> 
> T: So, what are you getting into tonight?
> 
> L: I am currently working through a second bottle of wine with Cammie. We’re having a girl’s night in. You?
> 
> T: Sitting in the downtown studio, working on a new song. Getting pretty frustrated trying to find the right words for what I want to say.
> 
> L: What? You, frustrated? You seem like a pretty lay
> 
> L: Fuck, that as supose to say pretty laid back fry
> 
> L: *guy
> 
> L: Dammit. I maybe alitttlllleee drunk ight mow
> 
> T: Don’t apologize. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I can just image how red and flustered your face is right now. Don’t worry, I think it’s a cute look on you ;)
> 
> L: I’mm jist gong to go die
> 
> T: Alas, here lies poor Lexi. Taken from us so young. Who is going to save the youth from the plague of embarrassment taking all the good ones from us?
> 
> L: I cant right back I ab dead, member?
> 
> T: Well, undead yourself. I’m not done with you, yet.
> 
> L: Wat are you gonna do to me?
> 
> T: Ooohhhh ho ho, that is not a conversation for tonight.
> 
> L: Okay, will that si interest eno ugh to kee pme alive
> 
> L: For now
> 
> T: I am going to get myself in trouble if we keep this up.
> 
> L: Buzzzzzzz killlllleeeeerrrrrr
> 
> T: You should get some sleep. Drink some water, take some Advil.
> 
> L: Boo, youyr no the boss of me
> 
> L: I guess yo u kindo fa re hahahahaha
> 
> L: night tay-tay
> 
> T: Good night Lexi

I silently passed my phone over to Camilla, not sure if I wanted to cry, puke, or jump for joy. “You should’ve listened to him about the Advil. We both look like hell this morning,” Cammie said, handing my phone back to me.

“Really? That’s your take away?” I asked, incredulously. 

“What do you want me to say? He’s either really into you or is just getting off on you fawning over him. If it’s the first, I guess he’s feeling pretty guilty because he’s married and that’s why he shut things down so abruptly. Maybe you should just take the bold step and ask him what he feels so you don’t have to keep mauling over this.”

“Ssshhhyeah, I don’t see myself doing that anytime soon.”

I yelped as the phone, still in my hand, chirped with a new message. I was surprised to see it was from Taylor.

> T: I don’t envy the headache you must have this morning. How are you doing?
> 
> L: Feel like freshly warmed-over hell. I’m not leaving my couch all day.
> 
> T: Let me know if you need anything. I am free to couch loaf with you today, if you need the company.
> 
> L: I have Cammie here, but thanks. I’m blaming her for getting us into this, even though the wine was my idea hahaha So I’m making her wait out the misery with me
> 
> L: Did you get your song finished last night?
> 
> T: No, not yet. Still trying to find the right words. 
> 
> L: Well, good luck. When it’s ready, I’d love to hear it.
> 
> T: For sure. You’ll be the first to know. 

We texted off and on throughout the day about anything and everything and nothing important. I enjoyed spending the day with him in that way. It felt like having him right there beside me, watching movies with me and Cammie and getting to know each other better. 


	5. Chapter Five: What Are You Gonna Say?

It was a month before I saw Taylor in person again, although the text messages never stopped and there were occasional phone calls. He was rapidly becoming the first person I thought of in the morning and we kept a steady stream of communication throughout most days. We were both really careful to never broach the subject of his marriage or whatever may be going on between us. But it became increasingly obvious that there was something more than just friendship blossoming there.

Between the University and a few odd freelance jobs from contacts back in Virginia, it took almost a month of my free time to get the beer label designs done. I had been working on the labels for two weeks and was almost done when I had an idea too good to pass on. I brought it up to the guys and we all agreed that I had to start over and, luckily had enough time before the project absolutely had to be done that I could do so. There were six labels to redesign and I ended up using each of the band’s albums as inspiration for the color palettes and logo type for each beer. The idea seemed so obvious and simple to all of us once I suggested it. The strawberry ale that was my favorite at the tasting got down in the bright blue, yellow, and red of _Shout It Out_ , the pilsner got the beige and light blues of _Underneath_ and the flagship beer, an APA named MMMHops was done in the iconic yellow and orange of their debut album, _Middle of Nowhere_.

In that month I had been to the 78th street house more than once, preferring it as an office over my own apartment. Cammie had started seeing a new guy and I was getting tired of having to blast music in my earbuds to drawn out the sounds of them having sex. I could’ve used a studio at the University, but Taylor invited me to use the meeting room at the house, since it went un-used most of the time.

I ran into Zac there most days, he was working on art pieces for the upcoming Hanson Day, a fan festival the band held every year in Tulsa. He would invite me down to the art studio in the basement to see how his pieces were coming along and to see how my designs were going. I got in the bad habit of putting off my University work all morning to pal around and have fun painting with Zac. His encouragement and excitement for my work reawakened my passion for the medium.

Zac quickly came to realize there was a special grin I would get whenever I opened a text message from Taylor. He didn’t seem too thrilled with it at first but within the first week, he would tell me to tell Taylor to stop distracting me and let me get back to work or ask me to tell Taylor to pick up beer on the way to his house that night or some quippy remark. One day I got a picture from Taylor that he forwarded me. Apparently, Zac had taken this picture of me smiling like a dope down at my phone and sent it to Taylor, citing that I always looked that way when talking to him. Taylor thought it was cute and sweet and said he felt the same way when my name popped up on his screen.

“ ** _Zachary Walker Hanson_** ,” I fumed.

He looked up from the painting he was working on. “Uh-oh, all three names. I’m in trouble. What’s up?”

I held out my phone, showing the photo. “Don’t you know it’s rude to take pictures of people when they don’t know it?”

“Aw, man, I am busted,” he said with a laugh.

There was silence for a moment before he said, “You know, he talks about you pretty much constantly. I think he might really like you.” He sounded hesitant as though unsure what my reaction would be and wasn’t sure it was his place to say anything.

I sighed. “Yeah, I figured,” I replied, my voice caught in my throat, “I really like him too, Zac.”

“I know it’s none of my business but, you guys aren’t… like… doing anything, are you? I mean, you know he’s still married, right?”

I slumped my shoulders and sighed again. “I do know,” fighting to hold back tears, “And no, we’re not. I don’t even know if he wants to. I mean, we get along really well, and I think we both feel more than friendly towards each other, but I don’t know if he wants an actual relationship with me.”

Zac walked over and put an arm around my shoulders. “I like how happy he gets when he talks about you. It’s good to see him like that. I don’t think he’s been happy in his home life for a while now.”

I sniffled back a tear that wanted to escape and laid my head down on Zac’s shoulder for a brief moment. “Thanks, Zac. I wish he wasn’t married because he makes me stupidly happy, too.”

Zac gripped my shoulder tight for a second and then let go, going back to his side of the studio. There was a tense silence for a few moments but then we both got back into our individual rhythms and light conversation started up again. An hour later, when I was packing up my things to leave, Zac cleared his throat. “Umm… Lexi… Do you want me, to like, talk to Tay or something?” he asked, blushing for one of the first times I had ever seen.

“What are you gonna say? ‘Geez, Taylor, you should totally wreck the sanctity of marriage or get a divorce just so you can bang this new girl we’re both becoming such good friends with.’ I mean, if he wanted to be with me, he’d be doing whatever it takes to be with me. So, if he’s against divorce, or doesn’t want to be with me, I’m not going to be able to change that.”

“I think if you two did get together it would be about more than just ‘banging’ each other. But it’s not fair to you, him stringing you along with a hope that something may happen. Do you guys ever talk openly about what’s going on between you?”

“No, we get flirty sometimes but nothing too overt. I keep thinking maybe I should bring it up. But, what if it doesn’t go my way? I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to come between him and Natalie. Do you think he stays with her because he’s afraid what people will say if he leaves? I mean, you said yourself he isn’t happy and, obviously if he’s like this with me, something is not quite right at home.”

“Mom and Dad would definitely be disappointed if they split. But, I honestly don’t know if that would stop him. Taylor is pretty head strong and will do what he thinks is best. But, Lexi, don’t wait around for him. You are far too awesome and funny and pretty to be waiting around for my stupid brother to decide what he wants to do with his life.”

“Thanks, Zac. I appreciate that. You’re being really cool about this and I know that can’t be easy. You’ve been a really great friend.”

“Aw, shucks. Me? You’re too kind,” Zac said back in a goofy voice, leaving the conversation on a lighter note.

After spending the morning goofing off with Zac, I went home and finished the final beer label design. It was for the coffee porter and in the sepia tones of the _This Time Around_ album. I sent Taylor an email the next day with the finished designs for him to review with his brothers. I got nervous when hours went by without a response, or a text, or a phone call. I double- and triple-checked the email address I sent the files to and made sure the files were the right images. “Oh God, Cam,” I said, pacing the living room floor that night, “What if he hates them? What if he fires me? Oh God, oh God, oh God.”

Then a different thought popped into my mind that made my heart crash and I flopped onto the couch. “Cammie, what if Zac told him about me having feelings for him and he’s absolutely disgusted? This is driving me fucking crazy. I wish he would just call. Why won’t he call?”

I still hadn’t heard back from Taylor when I went to bed that night and had a fretful night of sleep because of it. I was up with the sun the next day and gearing up for a run to the gym when my phone finally chirped with a message from him.

> T: Sorry I didn’t get back to you yesterday, was super busy. The designs look fantastic. Let me know when you’re free today, the three of us want to get with you for some tweaks/feedback.

“Super busy?!” I exclaimed out loud to my phone, snorting at his message. I put all my frustration into my run and made it to the gym two full minutes faster than I usually do. I stepped in and leaned against the wall, catching my breath. I had thought of nothing but his message the entire way and had formulated my response to him in a million different ways. I stared down at the screen, typing and erasing and typing again and erasing the whole thing. I eventually just wimped out and told him I’d be free to come by 78th street any time after 5:00.

I saw that Taylor was on one of the treadmills and went the long way around to the weight machines I wanted to use that day. On the run over I had convinced myself that Taylor found out that I wanted to be with him, didn’t feel the same way, and had not contacted me the day before because he was trying to break contact with me. I was cursing myself for my moment of weakness in talking to Zac. I wished that I had Zac’s phone number or email address or some way to contact him and see if he had, in fact, talked to Taylor about our conversation.

Shortly after I saw him leave the gym, I had a message back from Taylor asking to come by as soon as I got done with work. I didn’t respond to it and didn’t hear back from him throughout the day. I hoped I’d get a chance to talk things over with him or maybe get a second alone with Zac to see he could offer any incite.


	6. Chapter Six: Womanly Wiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel the need to add a disclaimer here: this is NOT how I think Isaac asks or talks or behaves at all. I love Ike, this is just where the story took me so, don't kill me please hahahaha :D

When I let myself into the house that evening, I could hear the three brothers talking as I walked up the stairs. I stopped when I realized they weren’t just talking, but rather having a very heated argument in hushed tones. “Really, Ike, this was a long time coming. It isn’t like this is something that popped into my head yesterday,” Taylor was saying.

I dithered in the hallway right outside the meeting room, not wanting to interrupt them but thinking I should probably let them know I was there. I pulled out my phone to text Taylor when I heard my name enter the conversation they were having.

“I’m not convinced. I think I know when this all started. This Lexi girl is bad news, Taylor. She’s a fan for crying out loud. You are absurd if you think she has actual feelings for you and not just your last name,” I heard Isaac say, “You honestly think she won’t fuck you and then run to the message boards to tell everyone about it?”

I slid down the wall, wishing I was anywhere but here. “Ike, it’s not like that,” Zac came to my defense, “I thought so too, at first. She's been the best though, helping around here with inventory and fulfilling order shipments. You just need to spend some time with her.”

“No, I think I’ll stay objective in this conversation, Zac. Somebody has to. And besides which, how long have you known about this?”

“I know about it because I have eyes and pay attention to what goes on around here!” Came Zac’s fiery response. “If you’d get your head out of your ass you would’ve seen it too. Tay’s been miserable. Nat’s been miserable. The kids are starting to notice.”

“Isaac, it’s really none of your damn business either way,” Taylor cut in, “It’s my life and if I want to see Lexi, I’m going to see her. Now, would you please shelve this for later? She’s going to be here soon.”

“It’s not just your life, Taylor. If it effects the band, it’s my ass on the line as well.”

I remembered my phone was in my hand and sent Taylor the text I should have sent when I got there. “Hey, Taylor, I’m here, in the hallway I mean. Should I leave?” I could barely see to hit the send button with the tears falling from my eyes.

“How in the world is my relationship with Lexi going to effect the band?” Taylor asked.

“Everything we do effects the image of the band, you know that. If they see you out with a new chick right away, doesn’t matter if you’re just friends or not, everyone is going to assume you were cheating on Natalie. That makes us all look bad.”

I heard Taylor’s phone chirp with my text and then heard him say, “Well, shit, thanks a lot Isaac. Lexi is here, and she can hear you.” I heard movement coming towards me. I stood up and bolted down the steps, not sure which Hanson was going to be coming through the door. I was vaguely aware of someone calling out my name but didn’t stop until I reached my car. I felt a hand grip my shoulder and spin me around. It was Taylor, and he pulled me into his chest in a fierce hug. My knees buckled, and I started sobbing.

“I’m so sorry you had to hear any of that, Lexi,” Taylor said, pushing the hair back that had fallen into my face. He cupped my cheeks with his hands and ran a thumb under each of my eyes to wipe away my tears.

I heard footsteps approaching and worked on trying to reign in my emotions. Taylor turned to face whomever it was, keeping me behind him, out of the line of fire. “Hey,” Isaac said, hands held out in front of him, “I came to apologize.”

He looked around Taylor until he could see me. “I am truly very sorry you had to witness that break down back there. I just didn’t expect to come into the office today to news of my brother’s pending divorce and it kind of threw me for a loop.”

Taylor scoffed, “That’s a pretty thin excuse for the things you said in there, Isaac.” He spat out his brother’s name as though it were acid on his tongue.

“No, Taylor, it’s all right. No more fighting, please,” I said, stepping out from behind Taylor, “But, Isaac can you imagine this from my side? How would you feel if you walked into a room and Jonny Lang or Bill Withers, or some other person you look up to was talking shit about you to two of your friends?”

Isaac’s face fell as I continued, “I’ve looked up to you since I was a little girl. I always thought of you as this awesome big brother figure. It really stings to find out what you actually think of me.”

“Well, now it seems I owe you another apology. I didn’t think of it that way. I really am sorry, Lexi. I never should have said any of those things. Zac’s right. I haven’t yet taken the chance to get to know anything about you.”

“I know it’s got to be disconcerting to have a fan up in your business. I know you guys like to keep your personal lives private. But, please believe me, I would never blab about anything I hear or see going on around here. I, honestly, don’t even go on message boards or talk to many other fans. I really appreciate having this job and I am not using it to advance my status in the fandom.”

“And I should have known that. Taylor and Zac aren’t stupid, they wouldn’t let you keep coming around if you were like that. Truce? Start over?” he asked, holding out a hand towards me.

I stepped in and gave him a hug instead. “Deal,” I said, stepping back beside Taylor.

“I’m going to give you two a minute and then I hope you’ll join us back inside, Lexi. Give me half a chance to redeem myself,” Isaac said, turning on his heel and going back inside.

“So…” I said, picking at the hem of my shirt, avoiding Taylor’s eyes, “What’s that he was saying about a divorce?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was busy with yesterday, meeting with a lawyer, talking everything over with Natalie and the kids. I wasn’t going to mention it, but Ike came in when I was faxing some documents. Nat and I have to be separated for five more months, but then it’s going to happen.”

“Five more months? How long have you already been separated?” I asked, finally looking up at him.

“I’ve been living over the downtown studio for just over a month now. We had a big blowout fight, right in front of the kids and I stormed out. She asked me not to come back. It’s actually why I was at the bar the night we first met. I had just moved out and was kind of spiraling. I don’t usually drink by myself, ya know. It was nice to have the good conversation as a distraction.”

“So… that’s what I am… just a distraction?” I asked, trying not to let the hurt I felt by the comment seep into my voice.

“What? No! No, no, no, Jesus, no Lexi. You’ve become so much more than that. That night I was just so thankful to have someone to talk to and you were so open about your divorce and your struggles with it. It was nice to have someone how knew how it felt to be going through it, even though I didn’t tell you what was going on.”

“So why does Isaac think it’s my fault?” I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back against my car.

“Because Ike’s an idiot,” Zac piped up, walking out of the house, “and I told him so. He’s so stupidly happy in his own marriage that he refused to see Taylor’s has been falling apart for the last three years. You came into our lives and then, seeing this change in Tay, he assumes it’s because you’re using your womanly wiles to seduce our poor brother here.”

“Hey!” Taylor exclaimed, playfully punching his brother in the shoulder, “Shut up.”

Zac laughed. “I mean, am I wrong?”

“No, but you don’t have to say it out loud, man.” Taylor mumbled, blushing and looking away from both of us.

“Hey!” it was my turn to exclaim, “I’m not seducing you and I’m pretty sure I do not have any wiles, womanly or otherwise.”

“I think it’s just naturally you, Lexi,” Taylor said softly with a nervous chuckle.

“Anyway,” Zac said loudly, “Let’s get inside and get this work done. You guys can debate about that later.”

Taylor rolled his eyes at his brother’s retreating back. He turned to me, “shall we?’ he asked, giving me a slight bow and holding his hand out to me. When I giggled and took his hand, he linked his arm around mine and we walked back into the house and up to the meeting room.


	7. Leaving Me Hanging

When we were done with the final tweaks on the designs, the guys and I drove into town for drinks and dinner to celebrate. It was the first time I had been out in public with all three of them and there was definitely a difference. It seemed when all three of their faces were in one place together, people were much quicker to make the “Hanson” connection.

We were seated in a secluded corner of the restaurant but still had a few people come over to say hi to the guys. I could practically hear the “Who is this chick?” question coming from the eyes of every girl that came over. The three of them handled the fans with such ease, it was amazing to watch and not be the one who was freaking out meeting their idols. I watched one of the girls walking away, dazed, and chuckled to myself.

“What?” Taylor asked, cocking his head to the side and squinting his eyes at me. “What’s so funny?”

“Just thinking about how, a few months ago, I was in that girl’s shoes. So nervous to come up and talk to you guys. And now…”

“And now, you know what doofuses we are. No big deal, right?” Zac chimed in.

“Exactly!” I said, with another laugh, “Don’t know what I was so worried about. Nothing to be scared of here.”

“Shhh, shhhh,” Taylor shushed me, putting a hand across my mouth, “Don’t say that too loud. We have a reputation to up hold, ya’ know? You can’t let anyone know.”

I giggled and pushed his hand away. “Your secrets are safe with me.” I pantomimed zipping my lips together.

I looked across the table and caught Zac watching our exchange with a knowing grin. I swallowed back another giggle, averted my eyes and went back to eating just to have something to occupy myself with.

Taylor and Isaac both excused themselves to go to the bathroom and I took advantage of the time to speak to Zac privately. “Hey, Zac?” I said, to get his attention away from his cell phone.

“Yeah, what’s up?” he asked, glancing up from the screen.

I leaned closer to him, not wanting to be overheard by anyone nearby. “Did you talk to Taylor? About… well… ya’ know?” 

“No, not really. I mean, I didn’t get the feeling that you really wanted me to.”

“What does that ‘not really’ mean?”

“I tried to stop by his house that night, and of course he wasn’t there. So, I think until today I was the only one who knew he had moved out, I just didn’t know it happened so long ago. I’m still not sure how he managed to keep that from us. Anyway, I found him at the studio and we talked for a few hours about everything, but I didn’t bring up your name. He brought you up a couple of times, but mostly just how hearing you talk about your divorce made him realize that it was what he really wanted.”

“Jesus Christ, don’t let Isaac hear you say that or he’ll never stop thinking this was my fault,” I said, only half joking.

“Don’t worry about that, if he finds out I knew any of this before he did, he’ll think it was my fault too for not talking Tay out of it,” Zac replied in a hush, seeing that his two brothers were walking back towards our table.

As we left the restaurant that night, Taylor linked arms with me and walked me out to my car. “So… um….” I wracked my brain for something to say and went with the first thought that popped up, “You said you were staying at the studio, right? Did you know that is actually right down the street from me? My apartment is over top the coffee shop, The Java Bean, just a couple blocks away.” We had reached my car, so I let go of his arm and turned to face him. We both stood there, hands shoved in jacket pockets, leaning up against the side of the car.

“Have you ever been in the 3CG studio before?” he asked.

“No, I’ve never been invited,” I said with obviously-fake outrage.

“Well, I will have to rectify that. Why don’t you come over tomorrow whenever you can? I am not used to being alone and it feels so empty there by myself. I could definitely use the company.”

“I’ve got University work to get done tomorrow but, I could come over after? Or bring my laptop over and work there?”

“Please come work from the studio. Please, please, please?” he pleaded, poking out his bottom lip in the cutest pout I have ever seen. When I said I would do that, his whole face lit up and I had to smile with him.

I promised to see him first thing in the morning, gave him a great big hug and climbed into my car. I drove to my apartment wondering how I was ever going to get any work done the next day. Taylor tended to distract me when he wasn’t even around, just through text messages, having him in the flesh in front of me was definitely not going to make for a productive day.

I let myself into the back door of the studio with the security code Taylor had texted to me that morning. I walked up the stairs and knocked on the apartment door, interrupting the sound of Taylor playing guitar. He opened the door with a smile and folded me into his arms. “Were you working on a new song?” I asked, taking my coat off and sliding out of my shoes.

“Sort of. It’s the song I started last month but I picked it up again a few days ago. I think I finally got it right. Would you like to hear it?” He didn’t wait for my answer, knowing it was basically a rhetorical question. He sat down on the couch and started strumming as I sat in an arm chair, facing him.

The song was slow and soulful, not quite a ballad. The lyrics about yearning and wanting from afar with no hope for a good resolution. Taylor avoided my eyes while he was singing and a small part of me thought, maybe, just maybe, this song was written about me. It felt egotistical to think so, but I couldn’t help it. Some of the lyrics seemed to echo conversations we’d had, ‘up close and personal,’ ‘more than just a distraction,’ ‘trying to find the right words,’ they were innocuous enough phrases but meant a lot to me. Had he remembered them with the same clarity I had? Or was I reading too much into it?

As the last chord reverberated through the apartment, we sat in silence. “So?” he asked after a moment, “What do you think? You’re kind of leaving me hanging here, Lexi.”

“Taylor, it’s beautiful. I absolutely love it,” I replied, “I hope you guys end up recording it because I would love to be able to listen to it again.”

“I haven’t played it for my brothers yet. I did promise you’d be the first to hear it. I’ll let you know what they think.” He put down the guitar and showed me to a desk in the corner, where he had cleared off a space for me to work.

“I’ve got some conference calls to make this morning. Will that distract you too much while you’re working?” he asked while I was taking out my laptop and getting set up.

“I don’t think so. I brought my headphones, I can just play myself some music if it does.”

It proved to not be too distracting and was even kind of nice to hear him prattling on in the background while I worked. He was talking to different vendors about the upcoming festival and making arrangements for the events they would be putting on for the fans. When he was done with his meetings, he picked the guitar up and played a private concert for me while I finished the last of my work.  
When I was done for the day, we decided to walk down the street to grab a late lunch. I put my jacket back on, bundling up against the wind blowing outside. Taylor followed in a pea coat that fit him quite nicely and a grey knit cap. We walked down the stairs and Taylor showed me around the studio before we departed. The place was a maze of hallways and little writing and practice rooms. The actual recording studio was a massive room that held so many instruments I was afraid to move around too much in case I tripped on a cable or pedal and ruined something.

As we were leaving the studio’s front door, Taylor linked his arm around mine, pulling me close to him. It seemed to have become a pretty customary way for us to walk around with each other, but it never failed to make my heart leap to my throat, if even for a moment. 

I made up my mind walking down the street with him that I was going to suck it up and ask the question that had to be asked. I promised myself that by the time we were done with lunch I was going to know if Taylor Hanson had actual romantic feelings for me or was still just using me as a distraction from his failed marriage. If the latter, that just wasn’t fair to me and I deserved to know, either way, where his feelings were.

I could tell Taylor saw I was distracted by my thoughts as we settled in at the diner. I was running through scenarios in my head of how this could play out, how I would force myself to react no matter what he said. I tried to keep up with small talk while we placed our orders and got our drinks, but then I forced myself to push forward with my plan before I lost my nerve.

“Hey, Tay. Can I ask you something?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t about to make a huge mistake.

“Of course, anything,” he responded, slowly, as though he knew something heavy was on mind.

“I know it’s probably not the best time, but I just can’t shuffle my feet on it any longer. And if I’m crazy or being too hopeful or seeing something that isn’t there, just let me know. But I don’t think I am. I know we haven’t known each other very long but I feel like we’ve gotten really close. And I feel like I can be open and honest with you about anything and I hope you feel the same way…” My voice trailed off as I lost steam. I sighed, shook myself, and pushed myself ahead, “Taylor, I really like you. And I know you’re just getting out of a very long relationship so you’re probably not thinking about any future romance but… I just wanted to know if I stand a chance? If not, we can forget I ever said any of this and just be friends. But I couldn’t just not say something about it, at least once.”

The silence that followed felt like a loud roar in my ears that lasted a million years. I was staring down at the table, trying to give him time to gather his thoughts and telling myself to be patient. “You’re right, we have gotten really close and I do feel like I can be honest and open with you. So, I will,” my heart dropped feeling like bad news was coming, “I am nowhere near mentally ready to start a relationship just now. I am having fun getting to know you and I love the connection we have but, I have to get through the divorce first and spend some time finding out who I am now. I was so young when I got married, just like you were. I’ve heard you say how you were happy you took the time to soul search and figure out how it changed you as a person. I think I want to do that, too.” He reached out and enveloped one of hands in both of his, “But that doesn’t mean there’s no future for us. At this point, there’s no one else I would rather have a relationship with than you, Lexi. I just need time.” He let go of my hand, “I won’t ask you to wait for me, because that is incredibly selfish but, I hope at some point in the future we’re both in a place where we can give it a go.”

I wasn’t too thrilled with the answer but appreciated the honesty of it. I should’ve known the answer would be to wait, he wasn’t even properly divorced. But I knew one thing for sure, there was no way I was going to be capable of doing anything other than give him all the time he needed. I couldn’t imagine anyone else coming into my life that made me feel the same way Taylor did.


End file.
